The Struggle is Real: Doubt

O victory in Jesus, my Savior forever

He sought me and He bought me

With His redeeming blood

He loved me e’er I knew Him

And all my love is due Him

He plunged me to victory

Beneath the cleansing flood

(E.M. Bartlett, songwriter)

I believe what the chorus of that old, beautifully written hymn says. I believe that I have victory through Jesus Christ and I am cleansed by His blood. I believe that He is my Savior. But sometimes doubt creeps in, and I start wondering if what God has promised will really come to pass. Will He really do that for me? Will He really perform what He has promised? Will I see it? Can I have faith and doubt at the same time? Does that make me a bad believer?

As human beings, we often wrestle with doubt and anxiety. We tend to want things to be secure and sure; we tend to believe that if we can touch it or see it, then it is a sure thing, and doubt goes away. But God asks us to do something different. He asks us to trust Him completely, have faith, without seeing.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “faith” as: a strong belief or trust in someone or something; belief in the existence of God; strong religious feelings or beliefs; a system of religious beliefs. In Hebrews 11:1, the Bible defines “faith” as “the assurance [confidence] of things hoped for, the conviction [proof] of things not seen”. There is an interesting twist in the definition of faith in Hebrews that the Merriam-Webster definition does not have: it is both the assurance and proof of what we do not see. This thing called faith gives us both confidence in what we do not see as well as the proof that it is there. That’s a bit if a mind-bender for me…but God says it in His Word.

In John 20, there is an account of Thomas, the disciple we know as Doubting Thomas, that explains how he got his name. Jesus appeared to the disciples and showed them His scarred hands and feet; but Thomas was not present. When he returned, the other disciples told him joyfully of their encounter with the resurrected Jesus. Thomas’ response was that unless he saw the wounds for himself, and could put his fingers in them, he would not believe. The Bible tells us that eight days later, Jesus shows up again, and this time Thomas is with them. Jesus says: ²⁷ Then He *said to Thomas, “Reach here with your finger, and see My hands; and reach here your hand and put it into My side; and do not be unbelieving, but believing.” ²⁸ Thomas answered and said to Him, “My Lord and my God!” ²⁹Jesus *said to him, “Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed.” (John 20:27-29). Thomas had to see it and touch it to believe.

Two things stand out to me in this account: first is the love and kindness of Jesus to come back to His disciples so He could raise Thomas’ faith. He could have dismissed Thomas as being unworthy of being called a disciple, but He did not. He came back for him; He came back and helped Thomas’ faith along by giving him what he needed. Secondly, Jesus’ statement “Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed.” stands out to me.Jesus is speaking about you and I in that sentence. We have not seen Him in the flesh, and yet we can believe, and because of that, we are blessed.

Another example of Jesus’ love and kindness when it came to addressing doubt is in the account where Peter walks on water (Matthew 14:22-33). Jesus was walking on the water towards His disciples who were in a boat in the middle of a storm. His appearance frightened the disciples, who thought He was a ghost, but He comforted them and told them it was He. Peter told Jesus to “prove” it by telling Peter to come to Him walking on the water (gotta love that guy!). So Jesus did, and Peter stepped out of the boat and onto the water. But when he took his eyes off Jesus he started to sink; he started to doubt when he looked around him instead of at Jesus. Jesus “immediately” reached out and grabbed Peter by the hand to save him. He didn’t let him suffer in his doubt: He saved him. And that wasn’t the end. Jesus continued to work with, rather than reject Peter and his doubt; He had big plans for Peter! By the time Peter was baptized in the Holy Spirit he was ready to preach about Jesus Christ without doubt or fear (Acts 2).

In Mark 9, a father brings his son who is possessed of a devil spirit to Jesus. Jesus asks the father what he has been going on, and the following conversation happens: ²¹And He asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. ²²It has often thrown him both into the fire and into the water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, take pity on us and help us!”²³ And Jesus said to him, “‘If You can?’ All things are possible to him who believes.” ²⁴Immediately the boy’s father cried out and said, “I do believe; help my unbelief.” I love the humility of this man, who so desperately wanted to help his son. He had already experienced the disciples not being able to cast out the devil spirit, so when he came to Jesus, he was a bit hesitant. But as soon as Jesus confronted his faith, he asked Jesus to help him with his lack of faith as well. The story ends well (it’s worth the read!): Jesus cast out the unclean spirit and restored the boy to his father. Once again, doubt was not the end of the story: God had more in store.

Jesus does not leave people in doubt: He actively helps them through their doubt. It seems that faith and doubt can be present at the same time. But doubt cannot be ignored. God wants all of us: He wants our whole heart, our devotion and our commitment, and the only way to do that is to get rid of the doubt, confront it and kick it out. The boy’s father was quick to say that he believed, but also that he had some doubt, and he needed help with that as well. God knows our hearts, even those things we don’t disclose to anyone out of fear or pride. So why not just take those doubts to Him, at the same time that we profess faith, so He can help get rid of them?

It reminds me a bit of what I used to tell my kids when they were younger: “Always tell me the truth, even if you think I will be angry. We can work anything out when we are honest. But without the truth, it makes things twice as bad.” So it is with God, I believe. He just wants us to go to Him: we may not like that little niggly bit of fear that can come with being honest, but it’s worth it. When the father told Jesus that he had some doubt, Jesus did not reject Him: He showed the father and son love and grace by covering his doubt and healing his son. The Bible does not specifically say, but if the father had not admitted his doubt, things might not have turned out in the same way.

It takes humility to be transparent, even with our heavenly Father. We want to save face, appear confident and in control, and admitting doubt does neither. But God knows. It is not a secret from Him. God says in 2 Chronicles 16:9a “For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His” This was God’s message to the king as a rebuke for not trusting Him. He was basically saying: Trust Me, I am looking for ways to help you, I am always watchful: I just want your whole heart. He does not add: “except if you doubt”. He wants it all, because He is bigger than any doubt or hesitation you may have. And He knows what to do about it. Trust Him.

I pray that you will rest and remain in the marvelous presence and light of the Light of the world, Jesus Christ. It is as you remain in His presence that doubt will disappear. The faith you do have is both the assurance and proof of what you have not seen. That faith that you place in Him and give to Him, when it is in His hands, is enough to drown out doubt. God bless you!